Where were you before we worked together?

I was in a very low place after having just come off a relapse after nearly 120 days sober from alcohol, which was my longest sobriety span. I was experiencing low self-worth, which was what I was experiencing when my drinking was at its worst. I had no desire to be around people, and I was closed off to all my relationships, except my parents, with whom I was very open but felt very disconnected from my partner and friends. I wasn't getting any joy hanging out with others, felt isolated, and was really struggling with socializing and being around friends as I was so focused on my differences and being "othered." 

I felt like no one drank like me, and I drank to make myself feel better, whereas I think other people drink to add a little spice to their lives, not necessarily as a medication, and I thought no one else in the world felt this horrible. I was in survival mode, searching for any slight hint of dopamine that I could find. I was searching for happiness in external ways, and those happened to be the ways I knew which worked, which were alcohol and marijuana, and I just didn't have any hope at all left.

I was looking for guidance and coaching to help me get back on track with being alcohol-free. At that point, I have dabbled in a bit of everything: doctors, rehab, different types of therapies, a little bit of EFT Tapping. I was searching for someone who could solve my issues for me, and I really had not built a strong spiritual practice or really looked at my marijuana usage then.

Where are you now? What were the most powerful breakthroughs?

I now have a much stronger spiritual practice that is helping me stay sober, which includes tarot cards, Starseeds, crystals, meditation, EFT Tapping, visualizations, manifesting, and exercise.

I feel grateful to spend time with friends, and now with over 6 months sober from alcohol (and counting), I feel okay being around people drinking or ordering NA drinks. I identify as an alcohol-free person, and I am very confident with that. I am a different person when it comes to my relationship with alcohol, and I am so much nicer to myself. I have a different mindset moving forward.

A really powerful breakthrough has been learning to connect with my body because my mind and body were separate, especially when I drank a lot. It helps me center myself, and it's made me realize that feeling 'feelings' is okay. It's okay to not be okay, and you can work through emotions. You don't have to shut them out.

I'm glad I'm taking the reins and fixing it now because I'm getting to the age where I realize I want kids soon and I don't want to bring kids into chaos, and you have to work on yourself first, and I think this is a great step first. I'm excited to experience life moving forward, not bogged down by substances.

I feel motivated to start coaching/being a sponsor myself for other people who want to get sober. I want to push myself to build a sober community and do that and build my sobriety more. I'd love to be someone others turn to down the line and do something focused on healing with others.

How have these transformations impacted your relationships?

Letting go of toxic old friendships through tapping is a tangible result I'm proud of. I'm feeling socializing is getting easier. We've been doing stuff with other couples, and I have slowly but surely improved all of my relationships. I can set boundaries more because I am clear on what I need, which allows me to be clearer about what I need from my boyfriend and friendships. I have come a long way. Initially, I felt very "othered," but I realized that the feeling of being "othered" was what I was projecting onto them, and I don't judge them for drinking, and my not drinking doesn't affect them.

It is a different game when I go out and socialize, and it's been an adjustment. It's being okay starting over in some aspects because a lot of my relationships were built around drinking, and that was how I made friends and was comfortable being around friends. I am now okay with being alone and being my own friend, and I really enjoy my own company. I am at a place where I like hanging out with myself, having fun with myself, and wanting friends who are like me. I want sober friends now who are similar; that's something I will seek out.

What's been unexpected for you while working together?

I think how much I like being spiritual has been unexpected for me, and this gives me tremendous strength and peace to keep moving forward.

I feel strong right now in facing my days with clarity and excitement. I'm certainly on the right path. I'm very proud of myself, and how hard I've worked, I've restored confidence in myself.

I've also connected with Nicole more than I thought I would. I was already sold on Nicole from the beginning, and from her TikTok marketing, I could tell we were of similar age, and I had similar experiences drinking with just the amount of time we spent drinking. I could see how we both knew that darkness, and I think it's harder to just talk to a therapist who is like, "yeah, just do this" when they haven't really experienced it.

I didn't expect to have such a connection with her and deep support and for her to walk through some really dark times with suicidal ideation and some bad relapses with me, and I didn't expect to have Nicole answer right away and be there for me to hop on a call right when I needed her. I expected it to be like most therapists, where we would talk about it at our next session. To have that immediate support, I didn't even know that came with it when I started coaching, and I think that's so so crucial when you are in early recovery.

So my favorite part was having another means of support in early sobriety. And as a young woman, there are a lot of complexities with our sexuality and our bodies, and sitting in an AA was not very appealing. I was looking for a sponsor, but I knew I had to find it in other ways, and I realized there were other routes when I discovered coaching.

I wonder where I would be if I hadn't done coaching, and I don't think I would be in the same place, so I am really glad I did it. My body feels so good, and I physically and mentally feel so much better. Just waking up and feeling good in the morning is such a huge thing.

Were there any fear or hesitations when reaching out for support?

Yes, it's so funny. I was willing to shell over so much money for marijuana when it came to paying money for a therapist or coaching, I was like, "no, it's way too expensive. I can't afford it". It's about weighing how helpful things are to you. Many people in my life didn't understand coaching, and I didn't understand it fully when just getting into it. I feel like it's so worth it, and when you think about all the money you spend on alcohol or drugs, it evens out, and coaching is actually cheaper when you add it all up.

I think coaching is so worth it, and I tried so long to do it by myself - to get myself into rehab, therapy, and nothing was working. I was at a point where I said, "fuck it, I am going to try everything and anything," which is why I reached out to Nicole because it was something I wouldn't initially try but was like, "well, I need all the help I can get so why not try it."

What would you tell someone who is currently stuck where you used to be? 

To reach out for help, be okay with not being okay, and realize that it's a lot easier to stay sober with help from others.

What are the top 5 things you feel really great about since starting the coaching journey?

1. Getting back on track with my sobriety from alcohol! 
2. My motivation to treat myself kindly through this journey.
3. Motivation to start coaching/being a sponsor myself for other people wanting to get sober.
4. My new hobbies I've found in sobriety
5. My knowing that no one can do this for me, but I can ask for help while I help myself.